Vlad Ilich: Hi, my name is Immigrant (WIP)

Where are you from?

Vlad:
I’d tell you but I’d make a mistake – my country has changed names twice since I was born!

Why are you here?

Vlad: Everyone says the West is great… turns out, it’s just like back home.

Are you and your dirty immigrant friends planning to stay?

Vlad: No! Don’t worry, Albania is way better.

How have you contributed to the society while being here?

Vlad: By doing the work you don’t want to because you’re lazy.

What do you think of our prime minister?

Vlad: He’s a top cunt!

If you want the longer version of these answers, come to the show or ask for my number from the Home Office.
Alternatively, you can contact Priti Patel.